Courtney Sanders' Blog

I feel like I’ve gone through so much since last April, beginning with our trips to Europe and the World Cups. I have had a lot of reflective time and have gone through many stages with my body that can be challenging, mentally. I kind of had a learning overload. Jumping straight into a World Cup after only competing that year in US comps was just extremely difficult and almost crazy. I am really happy to experience this elite level, but it was almost too much. In a sense I was just always setting myself up for failure. I entered with zero expectations but deep down of course I wanted to do well. It’s all about being happy and present but not being attached to a certain outcome.

Afterwards I started to focus on outdoor climbing again. At that point I had the strongest performing few days I had ever had, and it was weird I kind of felt empty. I didn’t really have satisfaction. I really struggled finding passion for bouldering and overall happiness for that matter. I admit I found myself being competitive with Daniel. Someone who’s been climbing for 16 years and is one of the best in the world. Not move by move competitive but overall success rate. Him doing his project me doing mine, or not.. I felt like a demon had been hovering over me with bad thoughts and anger. Why did I lose myself? My passion?

I then tried multi pitch and sport climbing and got really motivated on that. But then again I still have to completely start from scratch. A whole new learning curve. Which can be frustrating mentally because it’s a completely different game. Knowing you can do a move but being too afraid to take the whip is kind of demoralizing. I spent two months solid on a rope and and overcame so many different fears that falling brings, it was the ultimate roller coaster! Justen Sjong coached me, not physically but mentally the whole time and without him I don’t think I could have made it. Sure I still have that natural fear but I feel like I am getting closer and closer to controlling it and enjoying every ride :) The best tactic is to just focus on every movement one step at a time, don’t think about the send or the fall. Just go! the send or the fall are just part of the journey.

During this sport climbing mission, I began really focusing on yoga. I went through an 8 week 200 hr teacher training course because i knew I needed something else at the time. I guess in a sense i needed that crutch, something to give me reassurance, and independence from Daniel. In yoga all expectations are lost and you just practice. It’s so beautiful in that sense. Where as climbing is very agro and extremely taxing mentally and physically. I’m really happy I pursued yoga to join in with my climbing. They are both so complimentary.

During these events i gained a little bit a weight, which was mostly muscle but it’s hard looking in the mirror and thinking do I still look like a girl? It’s kind of vain and insecure, but I couldn’t help but feel it. It sucks feeling that way and you eventually just have to knock sense into yourself and accept the beauty of being fit and follow your passions without thinking of the narcissistic things.

I definitely lost some fitness during the whole process of transitioning into a sport climber because it was my mental game that needed so much attention, so returning back into training and
Competing was humbling. I set my bar for myself too high sometimes, and use to just get upset. Now I am making a conscious effort to use it as a fuel to try harder and truely let go of the end result.

That being said, I have NEVER been more psyched on climbing as i am right now. I am headed to Spain and France on an all girls trip and then meeting up with Daniel and others in South Africa to do some first ascents and repeats in the Rocklands. It’s going to be the most fun and best trips of my life!!! I want to push my limits but truly not be attached to anything. Lead purely with motivation and psyched energy. I love rock climbing. Every little bit of it. Trip updates to come!!